2011 is about to be rudely pushed aside by bad-boy-apocalypse-year 2012, never more to exist as a year. Let’s honor its memory by listing the best and brilliantest things to exist in the past twelve months. The favorite thing gets a short write-up. The runner up will get a positive haiku.
Favorite Restaurant: People’s Indian Restaurant*
People’s was one of my first ever reviews, and I was enthusiastic but somewhat reserved. Part of my hesitation was a newbie reluctance to give a perfect grade to my first restaurant; part of the problem was that I hadn’t gone for the buffet yet. But People’s buffet is hands-down my favorite meal I have had in Pittsburgh. Unlimited chai, fresh cucumber raita, saag paneer, chicken curry…amazing. Indian food, unlike say, sweet ‘n’ sour pork, actually benefits from simmering for a while so the flavors actually taste richer than when you go there for dinner. $8 for so much awesome Indian food that I look like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka (only not blue)? Yes, please.
Runner-Up: Aladdin’s Eatery**
Cheap, fresh falafel
Vegetarian platters
Are the way to go
Favorite Movie: HP 7 & the Deathly Hallows
I’ma say two potentially controversial things about HP’s last onscreen adventure. One, that as sweet as it was to watch, it was even sweeter in 3D. And two, it actually improved on the book in some areas. The last HP had no wasted moments…it slimmed down the epilogue, streamlined the search for Horcruxes, simplified the Dumbledore-in-heaven scene. Yet it kept everything that made the seventh book great: giants, Snape’s memories, Neville being a bad-ass. Throw in great performances by Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Ralph Fiennes, and all three whippersnappers, and you have a thoroughly entertaining movie experience.
Runner-up: 50-50
Good ol’ JGL
Gets a cancer of the back
More fun than it sounds.
Favorite Person in the news: Herman Cain
I’m still not convinced that Herman Cain wasn’t a Daily Show undercover agent, put among the Republican candidates to ensure maximum ridiculous-ness. Everything made me laugh in some way, from the bitter chuckle of the sheer audacity of the 9-9-9 plan (aka the “You know how millionaires pay more taxes than poor people? What if was the OTHER WAY AROUND? Boom!” plan) to the genuinely gleeful laugh of Cain quoting Pokemon movies and forgetting what a Libya was. And it culminated with sex scandals, the way all my favorite stories about Republicans culminate.
Runner-Up: James Franco
Strange, dildo-filled art
Soap operas and grad schools
James, you’re a weird dude.
Favorite Album: St. Vincent, Strange Mercy
I like my music with lots of contrast, moment to moment and song to song, and Annie Clark of St. Vincent was great at taking me by surprise. In “Cheerleader,” gentle pizzicato strings are interrupted by stomach-jerking electric guitars; in “Surgeon,” the skittering, spidery lines evolve into something funky with retro syths. And I can’t think of another instrumental interlude as awesome as the guitar solo in “Cruel,” which sounds like a motorcycle being driven into a dance club.
Runner-Up: James Blake, James Blake
Electronic soul!
“Wilhelm Scream” doesn’t really
have a scream. Still good.
Favorite Online Video: “Jack Sparrow” by The Lonely Island
I can’t believe this came out this year; I feel like I’ve always known this song, that it’s encoded in my DNA. Michael Bolton as Jack Sparrow is brilliant, in a surreal sort of way, and, like most Lonely Island songs, the music is actually good enough to warrant multiple listens.
Runner-Up: Cry Baby by Cee Lo Green
Jaleel White is rad.
The ultimate at dancing,
Smiling. Who knew, right?
Favorite Little Kid Quote: “If you really believe hard enough, Chloe the Purple Bear will come in the night and bring you presents.”
Runner-Up:
“I’m gonna POOP in
your BUTT.” / ”Mr. Jesse, what’s
a speech pwoblem?” (TIE)
Favorite Episode of TV: Community, “Advanced Chaos Theory”
Community has always been a show given to clever theme episodes, but they outdid themselves in this one, which shows the multiple timelines that arise if each of the seven characters is removed from a party for two minutes. Did you know that who goes to get pizza can be the difference between true love’s kiss and vocal paralysis by ingesting a flaming troll doll? Not only is this episode meticulous in its detail and laugh-out-loud funny, it’s an effective character study, showing what each person brings to (or takes away from) the group.
Runner-Up: Game of Thrones, “A Golden Crown”
Swordfights on mountain!
Arya trains, Ned starts a war.
A golden crown……..shit.
Best Dessert: Honeycrisp, Salt of the Earth***
Honey-crisp apples, cooked in a sweet bourbon sauce, topped with crunchy granola, and parsnip-butter ice cream. Unreasonably rich, in a makes-your-mouth-vibrate sort of way.
Runner-up: Waffles, Waffleonia****
Nutella, syrup
Bananas and strawberries
Not just for breakfast.
Favorite Event: My Wedding
And everybody say “Awwwwww.” Seriously, though, it was great. Greg Yoder sang all my favorite songs, Brenda Hostetler Meyer gave the world’s most beautiful homily, and everyone there made me cry with their singing (and some relatives made me laugh by getting hopelessly lost in the music while everyone else was singing). Also, at the end of it, I was married! Win.
Runner-Up: Bachelor’s Party
Super Smash Brothers,
Small remote helicopters,
Tie-fighter hot dogs.
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* People’s Address: 5147 Penn Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15224
(412) 661-3160
** Aladdin’s Address: 5878 Forbes Ave
Pittsburgh, PA 15217
*** Salt address: 5523 Penn Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15206
(412) 441-7258
**** Waffleonia Address: 1707 Murray Ave in Squirrel Hill
dave kempf is a tiny-helicopter GOD.
also, let’s go get dinner from people’s. i miss indian food.