The Birth of the Easter Bunny
A Screenplay
(Scene: The offices of NestleCo, 1950. A cigar-smoking man is yelling at his subordinates, TOM, DICK, and HARRY, three ad men in cheap suits. The man with the cigar is EDGAR NESTLE, the formidable President and CEO. Spittle is flying from his jowls as he screams.)
EDGAR: Candy sales are way down! How hard can it be to sell sucrose, dagnabbit? It is literally addictive!
TOM: Boss, it’s just not that time of year.
EDGAR: Make it that time of year, dogskinnit! Easter’s coming up. I want Easter to be the new Christmas! Do you know how many candy canes we’ve sold since that Santa ad? Say, that’s what we need…Make us some sort of Easter mascot! Continue reading →
Posted in D, Miscellaneous
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In This Movie That’s Playing At the Laundromat (TMTPATL), four very attractive people are abandoned on an island somewhere. They all seem very tense and do not crack smiles. One of the blonde women says, “The mythology on this island was even more true than we had thought.”
On a nearby boat, a growly-voiced man in a Navy hat yells at a radar thing.
Elsewhere on the island are bad guys with guns. They are trying to hunt and kill the four attractive people, for reasons as yet unclear to this reviewer. Perhaps they are jealous of the protagonists’ eternal good looks? One of the bad guys is big and fat. He talks to the growly Navy man on a walkie-talkie. Continue reading →
Anyone who is tech-savvy has heard of Social Networks, the hot new “web sites” where you can rank your friends/creep on strangers/tell the world what sort of cereal you consumed recently. But there are so many Social Networks; how is your average Digital Consumer to know which is best?
The important thing to remember is that social networking sites are like snowflakes: no two are exactly alike. Also, most of them tend to melt almost immediately, and the ones that stick around tend to get crusty and smell like dog pee. Continue reading →
I was a sensitive child, so I generally avoided books that looked frightening. Despite my self-censorship, however, scary stuff always managed to pop up and shake my little soul to its core.
Here are my personal five scariest moments. In the immortal words of R.L. Stine: Reader Beware, You’re In For a Scare!™ Continue reading →
Posted in List, Literature
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For his film adaptation of the musical Les Miserables, director Tom Hooper neither giveth nor taketh away. The movie is basically the experience of seeing the play, if you were allowed to walk onstage for extreme closeups. Hooper doesn’t invent dialogue, nor does he sacrifice any of the songs. He just zooms in close on his miserable French people, trusting the actors and the source material to do the work.
Sometimes that pays off. Sometimes, the actors and source material just aren’t all that trustworthy. Continue reading →
Ok, big guy. You’ve got this. Just remember, the eyes are the gateway to the soul. Let the other person see your beautiful, beautiful soul. Start strong…ok, conversation’s beginning! Make the lock.
Continue reading →
My fellow Americans,
Today, we are broken-hearted. We are devastated by the sheer cruelty of Friday’s atrocities, and we may be wondering how we can ever heal. Tonight we all grieve with the community of Newtown, Connecticut.
But since I’m the President of the United States, I don’t doubt that you want something from me more valuable than my grief or my sympathy. You want a plan for change. I’m here tonight to give it to you. Continue reading →
Should you go see Skyfall, the newest James Bond flick? Well, what do you like to see in your movies?
You SHOULD see Skyfall if you like:
- People driving motorcycles on roofs
- Sweet Kaleidoscoping introductory visuals set to new Adele songs
- Javier Bardem playing creepy bad guys
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You should like Javier Bardem being creepy, he's great
- References to other James Bond movies
- Traps
- Komodo Dragons
- A bit of exploration into Bond’s psyche
- Really impressive cinematography and lighting
- Tense finales
- Puns Continue reading →
Jill Stein
Stein actually acknowledges that 99.99% of climate scientists might be right about matters of climate, has some neat policy towards the rest of the world that involve not shooting at it, and got arrested for civil disobedience outside the debates like a boss. Her platform also catches the US up to most other developed countries in areas of education, health care, and criminal justice. I wish she had enough name recognition that I wouldn’t feel like I was throwing my vote away on her. Sigh….as Firefly’s Jayne Cobb once said, “If wishes were horses, we’d all be eatin’ steak.” Continue reading →
Four years after the last episode aired, I finally got around to watching all five seasons of David Simon’s TV series The Wire. And now I have to figure out how to express just how darn good it is, without repeating what critics everywhere have already said. If you read criticism or listen to NPR, you’ve likely already heard about the show’s intricate plotting and sprawling, detailed depiction of Baltimore and the War on Drugs.
You got the briefcase, I got the shotgun
Continue reading →
Posted in A, Television
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